Representations of my World

I quite forgot about this post after I started it, so forgive the lateness. About November time, Jae honoured me with an awesome Lit and Scribbles depiction of me:


And this got me thinking about the type of picture I had chosen to ‘frame’ my blog, a mis-depiction, if you will, of how I actually look. For one thing, it implies that I always have straight hair, a fact which is not at all true, and that my hair is quite short. That’s true, even now when I am trying to grow it, but it’s not so short as when it is pinned up and to the side.

Ah, if only I looked like that everyday!

The other pictures slipped in here and there amongst posts have been mostly acting-based, and thus, again, not a very true representation of who I am. No, that’s not strictly true; I represent myself by my acting, but what I mean to say is that I am ‘dressed up’, as it may, and not my usual self enough to say “this is me, this is what I look like in reality”.

Because, yes, there is a great chasm between who we are in ‘real life’ and who we portray ourselves as on the internet. I am not immune from altering myselves. Yes, that plural is deliberate: I believe that my Self is made up of four individuals who operate, often together but sometimes alone, in my actions. They are Alexandrina’s best friends and her mortal enemies. It always is the case with those closest.

It’s probably very much human nature to manipulate and manage the way we are presented. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the three pictures in which I think I look my best are those where I have had my hair altered. As I have ranted before, I don’t much like having curly hair, simply because I look ridiculous when I can’t do anything with it. I’ve recently started pinning my fringe back with hair-slides, so some improvement has helped.

I think these sorts of blogs are quite image-centric – not more so than Tumblr, I agree, but still pretty reliant on images to brighten up the flow of text and information that one is faced with. I particularly like Jae’s Lit and Scribbles background, a cartoon version of herself in the modes of writing. I have no skill like that, but I could always use one of my photographs to put as a background.

Okay, I had no intention of ever deliberately deceiving you – after all, I hope, one day, people will hunt for my blog in the same way I have searched for other authors – I just didn’t make it easy for anyone to know what I look like. Ironically, whilst it’s troubling that so much information can easily be accessed and discovered using the internet (I know so well how easy it is to retrieve knowledge), it’s also troubling how little truth can be portrayed. After all, when I first had a social network, Bebo, I convinced my ‘friends’ that my parents lived together and I had a younger sister. One hears of many cases of paedophiles pretending to be someone young to seduce youths – it’s hard not to, in this era of ageism and stretched taboo – but one does not often hear of the tales of youths who have pretended to be someone old in order to get what they want.

Sorry the post/ train of thought turned in that direction. Anyways, those are my thoughts for today.




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